I view the individual in the context of the family or the community. As such,  treatment is focused on how they are situated and define themselves in their environment. People have trouble recognizing how they participate in constructing situations that ultimately don’t work and are therefore frustrating, such as:

• Re-creating familiar situations where their needs are unmet;
• Feeling trapped in repeating behaviors that they don’t want;
• Selecting partners that don’t seem to provide deep happiness.

Treatment helps with understanding and changing the repeating patterns that are damaging to healthy growth and happiness. We work to understand how early family dynamics may have encouraged a self image that doesn’t mesh with adult goals. We design homework to show alternatives to the way one behaves so that you can see choices, not just a single solution to a problem.

Having researched the dynamics of arguing couples for my doctoral dissertation at Columbia University, I understand and educate clients on the various approaches to resolving a disagreement.  New communication techniques can help couples learn how to settle controversy without damaging their feelings for one another.

I believe that disagreements are a normal part of couple life or family life. I also believe that ultimately everyone wants to get along, if they could figure out how to do that without repressing opinions or feeling unheard. When clients find new ways to talk about differences, they often experience feelings of relief as well as an increase in mutual respect and closeness.

In 1981 I was trained as a mediator by Dr. John Haynes who taught at S.U.N.Y. at Stony Brook and went on to develop the field of couples mediation that is popular today. When couples decide to separate, the process of mediation allows them to remain friendly and supportive of each other, while working out how they will separate their lives in a non-adversarial way. For more information, click the Mediation tab above.

My commitment to helping individuals in the context of their families led to training as a Parenting Coordinator. The goal here is to help families that are separated learn how to talk with each other and collaborate on decisions in the best interest of their children, moving away from the negative patterns developed in their marriage.